Life lately has been... interesting. Riley is 2 years and 9 months, Jack is 13 months (approximately). Jackson has sort of turned into a crazy obsessed mama's boy... if I am anywhere in the vicinity, he wants to be with me... Or he wants me down on the floor sitting right next to him and playing with him. I can't even go get a drink or snack or use the bathroom without him crying and chasing after me. He gets in to EVERYTHING. He hates sitting in his high chair (unless being fed sausages). He throws big tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. But the hardest thing is that when I'm home with him, he just does not want me out of his sight. I love that he loves me so much, but it makes the day pretty challenging!
While I do like sharing cute stories and pictures on this blog, one of the main reasons for this blog is to document my kids' lives, and to record things I probably won't remember 10 years down the road. Things my kids might wonder, things I might want to look back and read about, and lately I have not done a very good job of that! Life lately has been... interesting. Riley is 2 years and 9 months, Jack is 13 months (approximately). Jackson has sort of turned into a crazy obsessed mama's boy... if I am anywhere in the vicinity, he wants to be with me... Or he wants me down on the floor sitting right next to him and playing with him. I can't even go get a drink or snack or use the bathroom without him crying and chasing after me. He gets in to EVERYTHING. He hates sitting in his high chair (unless being fed sausages). He throws big tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants. But the hardest thing is that when I'm home with him, he just does not want me out of his sight. I love that he loves me so much, but it makes the day pretty challenging! And Riley? Well, I'm not sure what's happening with her, but she has been OFF the past week or so. She has had more meltdowns than ever before. She has started being MEAN to her brother. Hitting him, pushing him, kicking him, throwing toys at him. It's like all of a sudden she snapped and her patience with him ran out. I'm pretty sure this new aggression of hers and Jackson's super needy behavior are directly related. Jackson wants me with him constantly, and Riley has definitely noticed. Is this an excuse for her to hurt him? No. Of course not. But it's clear to me she's pretty unsettled lately. The crazy thing is, she will be so nice to him and give him hugs and kisses and share her toys and play right with him, and then all of sudden she will snap and lash out at him. At the moment I feel like I can't leave the two of them unattended even for a minute because she may really hurt him! This has NEVER been a problem up until now, so something funny is going on in that little mind of hers. Take this toy computer, for example.... most of the time Riley lets Jackson pay along with her... smash they keys, crawl on top of it, do whatever he wants. And then all of sudden she will just snap and shove him over and keep shoving him until I rescue him. No forms of discipline have really been working, there have only been two things that I've found to work... it seems that Riley needs to just let off some aggression sometimes, and her outlet happens to be her brother. One day I told her that if she felt mad, that she should take some of her foam blocks and smash them into the ground and yell "I'm soo mad!" instead of hitting or pushing. And she did it all day long! And then she was calm after she did it! I don't know if it's going to be a good long term solution, but we shall see! Jackson is a crazy little monkey lately. With a temper! He LOVES to be outside. And he loves to climb up the stairs. If he can't do those things, he will throw a big old tantrum. He also loves putting things in and out of containers, and will do this for quite some time! And he ADORES swimming. He would live in the swimming pool if he could! But boy should you hear him scream when he has to get out! We've started doing a few things with Riley lately that I'm really liking! I rearranged her drawers in her room so that her bottom drawer is full of options for her clothes for the day. She picks out her own undies, pants, skirts, tops, everything, and gets dressed by herself. She needs help getting her t-shirt on, but everything else she does by herself (including taking PJs off). She LOVES being able to go upstairs and get dressed all by herself! She has also decided she needs privacy when she's using the toilet. If I linger, she promptly tells me to leave her alone. :) One downside of her getting easily undressed by herself... she is frequently naked... I am so so excited for this fabulous spring/summer weather that we've been getting. We could spend hours and hours outside. We're in the process of getting the backyard perfectly baby friendly... we've got a trampoline, slide, sandpit, Riley's veggie garden, a little kiddie table/bench, water table, outdoor rug for kids to play on, and pretty soon we're going to get a big shade. And Aunt Jennie may have bought Riley something huge and ridiculous (of the water toy/pool variety) so that will be making an appearance out there shortly! Not sure if this moments before Jacky Boy got the big shove... I'm hoping not... Gosh I look at this picture and her cute little fake cheesy smiley angel face and I just want to go and snuggle with her in bed. And I think how can she go from the most fun, silly, smart and happy little monkey to the screaming crying mess of tears that won't listen to me? The DRAMA of an almost 3 year old, I tell you. We've got a lot on our plates at the moment in the Bartlett house, trying to balance new jobs, sick babies, crazy babies, and lack of sleep. But man there are some fun times!!! Can't wait until Aunt Jennie gets into town next weekend, and then.... DISNEYLAND soon after that!!! Riley's mind is going to be blown when we get to Disneyland. This guy will like it too, I'm sure. :) The end of long jumbled post!
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This little munchkin is 28 months old! She is so much fun and she gets smarter and smarter every single day. My mom recently decided to teach Riley a few new songs since we sing the same 20-ish ones over and over... They were songs she had never heard before, and after just one day she knew them and was singing them by herself. Guess I need to learn some new songs to teach the girl! We also bought her some new puzzles- some more difficult, more advanced puzzles for age. She struggled with them at first, but after helping her do them the first time, she then understood what she needed to do and could do them on her own! She memorizes new books after reading them only a few times... it blows my mind. She is absolutely in love with my parents' two black labs. She wants to snuggle with them and play with them, give them "nose kisses" and pet them and feed them treats. She is very gentle with them, our only problem is keeping her away from Penny who is just a puppy and can get a little too excited/rough with her. Riley thinks she's the boss of the dogs, and is constantly telling them "go to your bed! good dog! No Penny, no barking!" Sit penny! Give me a kiss Bailey!" etc etc... Right now she's obsessed with doing everything by herself. Opening doors, climbing in and out of her car seat, picking her own clothes, pouring her own water, picking out her own snacks, etc. Which means everything takes ten times as long, but is ten times as cute as well. She's starting to get pretty good at playing independently for short periods here and there, but of course that usually involves making a HUGE mess. Lately her favorite foods are: carrots, salad, Life cereal, smoothies, almonds, fruit snacks, and sometimes grapes and bagels. Sippy cups are a thing of the past, but she is really into using a straw all the time. She is a master iphone user. Mark and I never had iphones, she never got to play with one until we got to the US... Both her Grandma and Aunt Jennie have one, and she has not only cracked the code, but she know how to get to what she wants with no problem at all... She loves taking pictures and videos. I think Jennie has hundreds of pictures of random stuff on her phone thanks to Riley Bug. Little miss smarty pants is really getting the hang of pronouns, and is forming long complex sentences that still blow us away every time we hear them. We've seen a decrease in tantrums this month, but an increase in whining. And boy is whining annoying! She's also at a weird stage where she still NEEDS a nap, but can go without one, but if she goes without, she gets realllly cranky in the later afternoon, and then she needs to go to bed at like 6:30. But if she does take a nap, it's usually 2-3 hours, and then we cannot get her in bed before 9:30/10pm. So we play it by ear, depending on our plans for the day and how she's doing, and what time she wakes in the morning. Some days she naps, some days she doesn't, but she can't usually go more than a 2 days in a row with no nap. Going for car rides with her is pretty fun these days. She pretty much sings to us the entire time. And if she's not singing, she's blabbering away... something like this, "This is a red light, red means we have to stop. Waaaaait... waaaait... now it's green! Green means we have to go! Go mama! Chase that truck! Get 'em!" She likes to point things out, ask questions, jabber jabber jabber. She picks up on things really fast. On our way home from the airport, we went over a bridge, and then through a tunnel... Now every time we go through the tunnel, she says "first the tunnel, then we get to go on the bridge!" Or we were stuck in traffic once, and she asked me why we weren't driving. I told her about traffic and that we couldn't go... the following day, we were stopped while waiting for Mark to run out and grab something. She said "oh no, we can't go, we're stuck in traffic." I told her that actually traffic only happened when there were lots of cars, so now every time we stop but are not at a red light or not in traffic, she says "We're not in traffic, because traffic means there's lots and lots of cars. We're just stopped." She's so very observant. She will tell you "Daddy likes coffee and orange juice, Mama likes pepsi, grandma and Aunt Jennie like wine, and baby likes water and milk." She plays pretend tea party and pours everyone their favorite drink without being asked, which is pretty funny to see a 2 year old pour her Aunt Jennie some "wine" in her tiny porcelain tea cup. She's a little bit shy when she first meets people or when new people are around, but as soon as they leave, she just won't stop talking about them. She is extremely goofy. She likes to mix up words to songs and make up her own words, and laugh and laugh and laugh. She is getting a sense of humor and I can't believe some of the things she thinks are funny... like replacing "Head, shoulders , knees and toes" with "Head, shoulders, knees and butts" and cracking up hysterically. She LOVES to be naked. She runs around with no clothes on yelling "I'm a naked baby!" She loves drawing all over her body and is often covered in pen. She ADORES her baby brother and is a fabulous big sister.
I'm sure there's tons more I'm missing, it's just so hard to keep up with all her new tricks and developments, my little genius baby! Not the terrible twos, nothing about Riley is terrible. BUT. Ohhhh boy is she learning how to test boundaries and exert her independence. Let me give you some examples. We'll start with her newest developments: hitting and biting. I will say, this doesn't happen very frequently, and it is clear the reason she does it is either out of frustration, or to get a reaction out of us. We have started doing a version of "time-out" with her as a consequence for this action... basically we remove her from the situation, and sit her in her room. Mark and I have slightly different ideas of what a time-out should look like, but we both agree it does not involve just sitting her in a corner and leaving her there. Mark usually sits her down and makes her stay on a certain spot, but sits with her. I usually do something similar, but give her the option of cuddling me... both version end with an apology, kiss and cuddle. Another new development? Just flat out screaming her head off. Not for no reason, but if something doesn't go her way? She either flops to the floor, or just starts shrieking. Now, I say "something doesn't go her way" but I don't mean this happens all that frequently. She responds well MOST of the time when she doesn't get something she wants, but every so often she completely loses her cool. When this happens, she cannot be reasoned with, and any attempts to talk to her or distract her are useless, so she gets picked up and carried to her room. In this instance, she's not on time-out per se, and I give her two options. She can come out of her room when either (1) she wants a cuddle or (2) she's ready to calm down and stop crying. Most of the time she chooses the first one right away, and she jumps into my arms and stops crying. Every once in a while she keeps screaming, so I tell her that when she's ready and all calm, she can come out and give me a cuddle. She usually carries on for another minute, then trots out and tells me she's "all calm now." Then we carry on with our activities. Toddler emotions are wild, I tell you. Other recent issues? SLEEP. Holy. cow. Riley has become a master procrastinator. Bedtime has become absolutely ridiculous this past week. As in, there have been multiple nights where I haven't gotten her to sleep until almost 9pm. We've entered the phase of "want a snack, want milk, wanna pee pee on the potty, want a story, want tickles, want more mama snuggles, etc..." And she mostly only wants me to do everything for her, not daddy. And she all of a sudden doesn't want to go to sleep on her own... now, she has just recently told me she's "a little bit scared of the dark," as well as "a little bit scared of spiders and crocodiles coming through the door," so maybe that could have something to do with it, but mostly she just wants me to snuggle her and tickle her and stay in her room with her until she falls asleep. If she was our only child, I would totally do this every night and have no problem with it. BUT. Often times Jackson needs my attention too, especially with Mark working overtime trying to write his thesis. So we've had a bit of a battle lately. I'm hoping it's just a phase and things will settle back into normal... probably right about the time we move out of our house, into temporary housing, and then across the world back to the US. "I'm TWO!" and calling daddy. And as long as we're on the topic of sleep: Someone seems to want to stop taking naps. This one is not a battle I'm willing to lose quite yet. I KNOW she still needs a nap, and she's not dropping it without a serious fight from me!!! BUT, it is hard work getting her to sleep. And she knows that the "need to do poo poo on the potty" is the trump card that will almost always get her out of bed. The other day I took her EIGHT times to the potty. EIGHT. Now you might think I'm a sucker, but on that eighth time she did actually poop, soo I knew she wasn't totally full of it. :) Today I spent two hours trying to get her to nap, and in the end I gave her a bunch of books, told her to sit quietly for a few more minutes and then she could get out of bed. No nap. I think part of the problem is we've been fairly inactive in the mornings this past week. The weather is not awesome, Jackson takes a morning nap so we're a little bit stuck her, and she has become even more obsessed with books than usual, so we've been spending HOURS each morning reading stories. Don't get me wrong, I love reading with her, but I think we need to get out and run around and wear her down a bit if she's going to take a nap!! Now of course, in all this ridiculousness, there are so many amazing and hilarious things developing with her that I sometimes just sit and look at her in awe. How she can have a story read to her a few times and then she's got it memorized. How she can recite books without even looking at them. How she knows and remembers songs I've only sang to her a few times. How her imagination is taking off. How I make up stories for her before bed each night, and she remembers them and requests them days later. How all of a a sudden today she caught me totally off guard by saying, "Hey mama, what's up? Wanna raisin?" And then after Jackson woke up and was crying, she looked at me and said "Oh no, baby is so sad! Probably needs to feed some booby mama, he's hungry." The girl is sharp as a tack, and could not possibly be any funnier. What happens when Riley goes to "get Jack Jack" after he wakes up from his nap. He was totally pumped that that thing just magically appeared in his hands. :) What an adventure this whole parenthood thing is!
I think reading books is one of the most important things you can do with your children, no matter how young or old. Oral stories are almost just as important. I may not be the best story teller ever, but I try and tell Riley some made up stories at least once a day, a lot of times using real life people and things as characters, and she loves it! I wasn't sure how much she was retaining, until she lay down next to her baby brother and started out with "Once upon a time, there was a baby named Jack Jack..." (how I start all her stories) and went on for a few minutes telling him a story, and I about melted it was so cute. "Jack Jack give 'catterpidder' a kiss!!" I think there is always time to play with your kids. Time to sit and play playdoh and do puzzles and build towers, draw pictures and play chase, jump on the bed and go for walks. There's always time. Everything else can wait. I think the bigger the mess, the more fun, even if it makes me cringe sometimes. I think pretend play is incredibly important, and fostering imagination is crucial. I believe in using daily tasks and activities as teaching opportunities. I believe your kids ALWAYS understand and absorb more than you think. I believe in asking your kids tons of questions, and always taking the time to answer theirs. Playing with playdoh at sunrise I believe in trying your best to breastfeed as long as possible, but not feeling guilty (or making others feel guilty) for using formula. I don't believe in judging other people's parenting choices just because they aren't for me. I think it's okay to feed your 2 year old a peanut butter sandwich every day if it's the only thing she wants to eat for lunch. I think sometimes no matter what you do, some kids are just picky eaters. I believe in teaching your kids good manners (please and thank you), and in giving unlimited cuddles and kisses. I believe some of the best toys are just everyday items laying around the house. I think it's absolutely fabulous to spontaneously grab the pajamed, sleepy almost two year out of bed to show her the hedgehog strolling across the front yard, or the totally awesome super moon. You can be sure she will not forget about it the next day. Coloring all over herself, sitting in her cardboard "boat" I believe in trying to expose your kids to all kinds of situations and experiences. I don't think preschool is essential, and I think homeschooling mamas are actually pretty awesome. I believe in creating an environment where I don't have to say no all the time. I believe in positive parenting, and avoid the traditional stick-the-kid-in-the-corner time outs. I believe in expecting good behavior, but in understanding that little kids are still just that- little kids, and need help to regulate their emotions. They aren't throwing tantrums to spite you, even though sometimes it may feel that way! I believe not all babies are good sleepers (in fact, many are not!). I think bed sharing is awesome, but babies sleeping in their own cribs/beds is definitely nice too. I believe babies will sleep through the night when they are good and ready, and for some that might not be for YEARS. I also think that if you reach a point where lack of sleep is negatively affecting baby, and your ability to be a good parent, it is okay to do some sleep training. Your baby will not be scarred for life. But I like to avoid that at all costs, if possible. It just hurts my heart too much to hear my babies cry. Riley wearing mama's shoes, and putting on her own shoes "ALL BY YOURSELF!!!" I believe in letting kids learn by trial and error, even if there might be more tantrums that way. I think including your kids in all your daily routines is important- helping with laundry and dishes, with gardening and sweeping, cleaning up toys and cooking dinner... even if it would be much faster/easier/cleaner to do it yourself. I believe (appropriate) TV is not going to ruin your children, but think it should only be allowed in moderation. I think cloth diapering is awesome, but is just not for me. I used to cringe at the thought of my almost 2 year old still having a pacifier, but the thought of getting rid of it makes me sad since she loves it so much. I think watching a child's language develop is one of the most fun parts of parenting a toddler. I've been trying to teach Riley how to express her emotions through words rather than tantrums, and today, through some sobs, she stopped, looked at me and said "Mama I didn't like that, mama, don't do that" and I was just so proud of her and couldn't help but scoop her up and cuddle her and praise her for using her words to tell me how she was feeling (in case you were wondering, I put the lid on her sippy cup for her rather than letting her do it herself). I think electronic toys are annoying and not awesome for development, but keep a few around because Riley just loves them so much. I believe bribes are just fine sometimes. I believe in praising children for good behavior and small achievements, and in celebrating all the little things. I believe in vaccinating and don't totally understand those who choose not to, but I'm sure they have their reasons. I don't believe in only buying gender specific toys- Riley loves cars and trains and dolls and tea sets, necklaces and bugs and dirt and rocks. I like the whole Montessori philosophy, but think people can get a little carried away and it becomes a little...strict? Formal? Not sure, I like to take bits and pieces from different learning styles and use what works for us. I believe in celebrating all holidays to the fullest. Going totally overboard with Christmas and Halloween, Easter and birthdays too. I think birthdays are occasions to celebrate BIG TIME. I believe in creating memories at every possible chance. I believe in putting the needs of your kids before your own, MOST of the time. I also believe it's okay to have "off" days, days where your kids watch a movie (or two), where they eat fruit snacks for lunch and have pizza for dinner, where you don't go the playground because you just don't feel like. That's okay. You've got plenty of other days to make up for it. I believe there are a million different parenting decisions to be made, a bunch of different philosophies, and even more people to make you feel guilty about what you choose to do for whatever reason. But really, I think most parents do what they believe is best for their baby, and that is really all that matters. Every day I strive to be a better parent to my two little ones. It really is the best job in the entire world.
I've got a few fun posts coming up in the near future, because, man we sure are having a good time over here. :) ...has been... weird. No, weird is not the right word. It's been... unpredictable, fun, challenging, crazy, tiring... it seems like SO much is happening all at the same time. Some days (like today) I am pulling my hair out and using every last ounce of patience with my toddler. Today was just one tantrum after another. And I found myself constantly saying "no no no". I hate days like that. When I have days like today, I sometimes question myself. Is every toddler like this? Am I not giving her enough attention? Is she too tired? Bored? Am I not disciplining her appropriately? We don't really do time-outs per se... basically if she's getting too upset or starts throwing things/misbehaving/not listening, we remove her and we go into her room and we sit on her pink rug until she calms down (or 1 minute, whichever comes first). We don't just stick her in a corner and leave her alone, we sit with her and she usually calms down quite quickly and just wants a big cuddle, and then we talk about what she did wrong or why she had to come into her room. Well, today, after one of her many incidents of misbehaving, I turned to her and said "Riley that is NOT the way we blah blah blah" and she let out a big scream, and went running down the hall and into her room, sat on her pink rug (without me telling her to), and came back out when she was calm and totally happy. It was awesome. Exactly what we've been trying to achieve with our version of "time out." She was getting too overwhelmed, and she gave herself a little break, time to calm down, and came back out totally happy. It's things like that that make me think, yeah, maybe I do know what I'm doing (sometimes) after all. Our biggest battle lately has been with the pack 'n play (port-a-cot). See, Jackson doesn't spend much time laying on his back on a flat surface (i.e. floor), mostly because it requires careful and constant supervision, and me telling Riley to be careful and not to poke him in the eyes, and "no sitting on him" and "his hands are actually attached to his body" etc etc. Also, he's been spending too much time in the rock 'n play, so I finally set up the pack 'n play in our lounge. Well, Riley is DYING to get in it, and she's not allowed (she's too heavy for the bassinet part and the whole point is to keep Jackson safe from Riley and allow him some semi Riley-free space). The phrase we hear most often lately? "Get in dare?" Now Jack Jack? He thinks his new hangout spot is pretty darn cool. And, it comes with friends. But of course, he still likes his old spot too ("baby seat" as Riley calls it). We'll see how "safe" he ends up being in his pack n play. Riley can still reach him, and we all know she likes to share her toys with him, so I wouldn't be surprised if he still ends up covered in puzzle pieces. We shall see. Now, part of the hope with setting up the pack 'n play is trying to get Jackson used to laying on his back, in hopes of soon transitioning him into his crib. Jackson has been a less-than-awesome day time sleeper these days. BUT, I know it could be worse. He's pretty easy to get to sleep, usually a little bouncing or walking around and he goes to sleep, but he will not stay asleep if I put him down. And even if I hold him, he sometimes wakes after only half an hour (if Riley doesn't wake him first). It's pretty rare that I can put him down and sneak away, and usually if I do manage to, he's in a place that is less than safe to leave him... like the edge of the couch. But just LOOK at those chunky little legs, I LOVE them! But of course, I can't leave him sleeping on his side like that at ALL, he rolls onto his tummy and basically just borrows his face into whatever he can find. Less than ideal, clearly. On Sunday, Mark took Riley to soccer, despite the fairly cold weather. He always gets a little excited when he gets to dress her for the day, and here's what he came up with: Apparently she kept that hat on the entire time!! Later in the afternoon, Mark was trying to get a workout in, which clearly becomes much harder once you have kids. I was feeding Jackson, so Riley was hanging with daddy, who was attempting to jump rope on the patio. I'll let you guess how long that lasted before Riley requested to "have a turn, daddy?" So he improvised. And she loved it. Anyway, I guess I should be going to sleep, as I'll be getting up twice tonight to feed the little guy. :) So many more things to say, things like... I've lost 5 more pounds (yay!), but have many more to go (boo!)... and many more pictures to share, but they will just have to wait. And can you believe Jack Jack is 12 weeks old tomorrow? (Sorry, there won't be a 12 week post, since he turns 3 MONTHS next week!)
This precious face? Throws tantrums? Noooooo..... About 6 or 8 weeks ago, Riley all of a sudden started throwing some craaaaazy tantrums. She didn't get what she wanted? Tantrum. She had to leave a favorite activity? Tantrum. You gave her the wrong snack? Tantrum. Like, throw herself on the floor, crying and kicking kind of tantrum. Even biting. And I was like ooohhhh crap, we're in for some serious terrible twos... And Mark and I had some discussions about how we were going to deal with these tantrums, what we thought was appropriate for her age, and what would work best to help her express her displeasure or disappointment in a more, umm, manageable way. Now, I used to be a behavior therapist for little munchkins with autism, so I've actually got quite a few tricks up my sleeve when it comes to dealing with and decreasing less than desirable behavior. But not every trick works for every child, and it was a bit of trial and error to see what was best for Riley. First, we tried a little bit of the "ignore" approach. Bad behavior? Ignore it. But that was totally ineffective. She wasn't throwing a tantrum to manipulate us, she was throwing a tantrum because she was truly upset and didn't know how to express it other than get mad and cry. And ignoring her outbursts just isolates her and doesn't help her deal with how she's feeling. She is, after all, only 18 months old. If she were a 5 year old whining and whining about who knows what, the ignore approach might be more appropriate. But in our case, at this point, it's not the right thing to do. Time outs are also currently not an option for us, because I think she's way too young for this kind of discipline. And she doesn't do a whole lot of "time out worthy" things, so I'm not sure when we'd even use them... We'll see if that changes once there's another tiny human in our house, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. So for now, here's what's been working for us: (1) Lots of advanced warnings when we're transitioning towards something new, or away from something she loves. Say for example, we need to leave the playground. She LOVES the playground. We give her a 5 minute warning, and a 1 minute warning. Does she understand the concept of time, and what's 5 minutes vs. 1 minute? Probably not. But she does get that we're telling her in a little bit we will be leaving, so it's not a total shock when it's time to go. In addition, we give her a choice of what she wants to do before we leave. So, we might say, "Riley we're leaving in a few minutes, you can do one more thing, would you like to go down the slide or on the swings?" and she gets to choose. Then once we're there, we remind her it's the last activity, and that she has X number of swings or slides, left before we go. We count them down until it's time to go. Then we say "bye bye slide" or swing, or whatever, and we're off. Usually, there's no tantrum. It's awesome. if she does start to get upset, we remind her of all the fun things we can do wherever we're going next, and that pretty much always works. This little routine has made transitioning away from her most favorite activities and toys (including the ipad), pretty easy. And that was not always the case. Trust me. (2) Using "IF ____ THEN ______" sentences. Oh my gosh the day it became clear that she understood this concept was AWESOME. Things changed for the better, for sure. For example: She asks for fruit snacks for lunch. I don't mind her eating fruit snacks, but I don't want her to have them for lunch. So I tell her "IF you eat your sandwich for lunch, THEN you can have the fruit snacks". And she does! Or sometimes she wants to go outside, but we're not done with dinner. "IF you eat 4 more bites, THEN you can go outside." It seriously works every time. No tantrums. We both win. Now obviously this won't work for every situation, even if she asks for ice cream for breakfast, I'm not giving it to her just because she eats her cereal first. No way. Or if she wants to go outside but it's freezing and pouring. I those situations you just explain why she can't have what she wants, and you know it's sad/frustrating/disappointing to her, but let's do THIS fun thing instead! (3) Rewards (also known as bribes). This will not work if your child doesn't really understand the concept of delayed gratification, but luckily Riley seems to get it, so we go with it. Basically, if we're about to do an activity I know is no fun for Riley (let's take grocery shopping for example), I need to be prepared to offer her something in exchange for good behavior. This does NOT mean I have to buy her something or spoil her rotten. In our case, right outside our grocery store there's this little fire truck ride on toy... you can put money in it for a "ride", but she's happy to just sit in there and turn the wheel. So as we enter the store, I show her the fire truck, tell her if she sits nicely in the cart while we shop, that she can ride the fire truck when we're all done. If during the shopping trip she starts to get mad or try and get out of the cart, I remind her of the fire truck, and she pulls it together. The at the end, she gets to ride the fire truck, I got my groceries with a happy baby, everyone is happy! Of course occasionally, I do splurge and buy her things. But this is NOT one of those "my kid is going to throw a fit if she doesn't get this toy so I'll just buy it" kind of things. This is a spontaneous, "wow Riley, you've been a total trooper on all these totally boring errands, look what you get to have for being so good." Our latest purchase like that? A $12 "puppa" from Kmart. This little one LOVES dogs. Seriously she goes crazy for doggies. And I saw this one while shopping, and had to get it for her. She calls it her "puppa" and she literally carried it around with her all day. This next photo was after she took a huge tumble and smacked her little head on the floor. I scooped her right up and she cried and cried, and asked me to get her blankie and her paci. I sat her down on the couch so I could go find her things, and I came back to her snuggling her "puppa." Notice how there is an ipad right by her head, and yet she's just chilling with her new BFF. Best $12 I ever spent. Anyway, back to my tantrum prevention strategies... (4) Redirection/Distraction. Sometimes, none of the above apply. And maybe sometimes you will see the beginnings of a tantrum, but you have NO IDEA why it's happening. If you're quick about it, you can cut off the tantrum before it really gets going with a little redirection. Like, "Riley let's go read (insert favorite story here), hurry I'll race you to your room!! And off she runs as if we're playing a game of chase. Or, "look Riley! There's a birdie over there, let's see if we can catch it!" You know, anything to get her mind off whatever she was just about to throw a fit over. At this age they are so easily redirected, it usually works like a charm. (5) When all else fails... No matter what you do, how on top of it you are, and how hard you try, your little one is going to have tantrums. Sometimes you know exactly why, as they will make it very clear what they are upset about. In this case, it's best to try and provide her with the words that she can't express. A recent example: Riley likes to carry ALL her blankets with her from room to room. That's two large blankets and 2 small ones. And unless she grabs them all juuuuuust right, it's tough for her to get them all in one go. And she does NOT want to carry them one at a time, she wants them ALL in her arms together. I know this, and I can see her try to gather them all and I know exactly what she wants. I don't intervene unless she asks, or when she starts to get visibly upset and about to have a meltdown. But sometimes I'm in the other room when this is happening, and my only indication is her crying in frustration... in that case, I ask what's wrong, and usually the extent of her vocab is to tell me "gray grays!" I say something about how I know she's frustrated because it's tough to try and carry all the blankies at the same time, maybe she could carry two and I can carry two, or she can ask for help. She usually then asks for help, and we carry them together. And once we get to where she wanted to go, I get this face: Ad lastly- sometimes Riley wants to do something I just cannot allow. Most of our dangerous things are baby-proofed, but you can't baby proof everything. For example. In our front/side yard, we have a bunch of little rocks. Riley LOVES to play in the rocks. Most of the time, she does really well with them. Piles them up, shovels them, throws them, stomps on them, etc. And then all of a sudden she will give me this little side eye, and stick a few in her mouth. I will give her a warning, telling her (1) to spit them out and (2) that if she puts another rock in her mouth, she's going to have to be done playing in the rocks. I tell her it's not safe to put rocks in her mouth, she could choke or hurt her teeth, so if she does it again she is all done playing with them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. If she puts rocks in her mouth again, I remove her from them and she's generally NOT pleased. I tell her again why it's not okay to put the rocks in her mouth, and we go to a different activity. She's not in time out, she's not in trouble, she just doesn't get to keep playing with the rocks. Oh, and don't believe me about the little side eye she gives me? It looks a little like this: So that's where we stand with tantrums lately. She's been pretty awesome lately, and I am really loving this age! We'll see how this changes as we get closer to the big T-W-O, but for now, I'd say we're doing just fine. :)
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